MY PRIVATE PAIN

People with Cerebral Palsy are 3 to 5 times more likely to us more energy in the parts of you where the Cerebral Palsy affects to you the most. (for me that’s my four limes).  Just because we have Cerebral Palsy it does not we are of the hook of getting everything that able body people get as we age. (It just means we “might age before we should”)
This is my private pain. As most of you know at 31 I broke my right leg in three places. It took me about two years but I did came back from this, to the pain I was walking without a walker when was around the house. I was so proud of myself coming back from this because none new what the outcome would be. While coming back from this the 3 to 5 time more energy took over and force on healing my right leg (by the way my right side is the dominant side and my left side the weaker side from the Cerebral Palsy) This where my energy ran out fast because now I have to deal with healing my right leg but also try to get my left side (weaker side) to support everything but I did it.
Fast forward two years after the healing from the broken leg everything was fine on my way of getting started to move on with my life getting job, move out on my own. Until one day at 34 I couldn’t move my right leg again and I was getting the worse spasms I ever had. (I’m lucky because I never get spasms like other people with Cerebral Palsy)  ( side note this why I really don’t like talking about my pain because I feel like compeer to others I should be bless and not say much). It was two to three years a few surgery latter and the right kind of DR what I found was I had Psoriatic arthritis. Here again I go because that 3 to 5 more energy I use for the Cerebral Palsy it is also being use up to keep both my legs working again. This time I had to take so many drugs to keep the Psoriatic arthritis at bay. (Chemotherapy, biological shots.) All this taking down a weaken body from a disability I was born with, that I worked so hard to make strong my whole life.
Now a day the upside the Psoriatic arthritis is at bay and I off all the drugs and feel good. Then on the down so the Psoriatic arthritis eats away at my knee to the point I will be getting a new knee this fall. 
The reason I’m talking about this now is that I want to be there for everyone but there just days now I can’t. I put pressure on myself to be there for everyone but there day’s I can’t get out of bed and I feel bad about this.

This private pain and I will not let it break me and what I want to do in life. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I found myself within him

" Holding hands is a promise to one another, just for a moment the two of you don’t have to face the word alone " - From Quote on diary.me This what I always hoped to find in a partner I would choose to give myself to. For me, it just happen later in life and a way I never thought it would.  It all started three years ago, when I starting a journey to find who I was as an adult with Cerebral Palsy. I was told from a friend if you type "Cerebral Palsy" in Facebook seach, you would find a whole world on Facebook of different groups for people with Cerebral Palsy. After doing this for awhile I got the idea of starting my own Facebook group with the things I knew about Cerebral Palsy and the things I wanted to know.  As I was doing some research, I came across a story on mycpchild.org It was a story about a man with Cerebral Palsy that was deaf. The story hit me like a bolt of lightning and something stirred inside as I read about Jack Runser. With all the odds up agai...
Read more

GIVING MYSELF A PURPSE

Hi everyone the work started off with a bang yesterday with NATIONAL CEREBRAL PALSY DAY, I hope everyone had a great special day. Today is another special day for myself in the Cerebral Palsy Community, as it is my 3rd anniversary of taking a big step in the community. I started what was first called WORKOUT WITH CEREBRAL PALSY (CP). Let me first tell you about what lead me to do this. My whole life I had trouble seeing the Cerebral Palsy within myself from basically being the first child with known physical disability in the school system I grow up in. This meant my family and I had to fight for every little think I needed have when I was growing up in a quite back woods cow town in the middle of no vilely CT, since that it has got bigger and disabled friendly because my family and I and the evolution of all the “disability laws” (use “disability laws” loosely because they still need a lot of improvement as far as my of you guys and I’m concern.) To say it was a struggle would be ...
Read more

MY JOURNEY TO FINE WHO I AM AS A ADUT WITH CP

After, three years on this journey of mine to understand apart of myself better. After many groups, pages, blogs. Making friendship that will last a lifetime or last a moment in time. After, trying so hard to please people but in the end feeling that I myself had to be like others when I always told others to be themselves. I’m doing what is going make me happy and give me self-respect. I have learned and care me a little piece of everyone I have come across. I also may not I seen eye to eye with everyone I met along the way (but that’s life) It does not that I don’t have respect each and every one of you. I spent two weeks in January trying to doing something that I wasn’t very good at and realize as much everyone would to be good at everything we are needed where at strength lies. People have been telling me this all a long but like   a lot of people in life I have attended school of hard knocks. It’s just when you have something against you to being with such as Cerebral Pals...
Read more